Arcade Robbery Thwarted When Man with APB Visor Beanie Unknowingly Kills Would-be Thief with Golf Ball

Waterloo, Iowa A man known to local businesses as the Arcade Bandit met his maker last Friday when he hid behind the screen of a virtual golf game at the 8th Street Arcade. Bored and impatient, the thief cut a hole in the display screen to see outside at the very moment a young man with an APB Visor Beanie was teeing off. The golf ball struck the Arcade Bandit in the forehead, fracturing his skull and sending pieces into his brain.

Thankfully no one else was injured. When the hero with the stylish hat was interviewed later all he could say was, “That would’ve been my best drive had his head not gotten in the way.” The owner of the arcade, Dick Rival, praised the young man giving him an unlimited amount of tokens for his arcade. It seems the bandit had struck his arcade six times this year alone.

The whole story was reenacted on Spike TV’s 1,000 Ways to Die as death # 479. We’d like to think that the hero was actually wearing our hat when he unknowingly saved the day, but we’re happy enough that Spike TV thought enough of us to put our hat on the hero and not the villain with balls-for-brains.